It’s always said that, you shouldn’t compare yourself to others, just to your former self. But, how can you avoid doing that, in this world where everybody gets compared with all the others all the time?
Tomorrow evening, a couple of my dance buddies will be on stage as members of a performing group. They started dancing later than I did, went to same classes as I did for some time, and now, they’ve got farther than I probably ever will do.
My friends are good dancers; they pick up the moves quickly, which is a great advantage when you’ve only got so much time for rehearsals, and lets them work on their expression, while a slower learner is still trying to remember which way to turn. And, they’re still young; for my age, I could be their mother.
Still, somehow, it hurts to see them on stage. I freely admit that I’m jealous to them.
I think that in the classic fairytale, Snow White’s evil stepmother must have felt something like this, when the magic mirror told her that someone else has become the fairest in the land.
However, I’m not going to present them poisoned apples. I’ll probably go and see the show – I know that it will be a good one – and wish them all the best. Just don’t hold it against me if after the show, I’ll shut myself in the ladies’ room to cry because I feel so old, stiff, and clumsy.
Last year, after one disappointing dance performance, I posted on Facebook: “Why do the things I love also hurt me the most?” One of my friends replied: “Because you care.” That can be understood in many ways. In one way, maybe I just should learn to care less, learn not to compare myself to others. It’s just so damn hard to do.